International Adoptions

We're not ready yet to adopt again, but I just wanted to share two sites for adopting internationally.

China:
My sister Anna came to know Amanda, the woman who runs the Starfish Foster Home, while she, James and Jimmy were in China. Amanda's babies are "medically fragile" -- some of them are cleft-affected, which is another reason Anna has a special interest here, since her two boys, Jimmy and Johnny, have both been born with cleft lips and palettes. Amanda's blog has even more information about the children.

Haiti:
Foyer de Sion was brought to my attention a few days ago by a friend, Ellen Tidwell. Her parents are making a documentary film about the orphanage, and are traveling to Haiti in early October. So if you live in the Bay Area, you might consider making a donation (Ellen needs them by October 4th, though). Haiti is such an impoverish country -- even more so than the Dominican Republic, where my brother Bobby serves his mission and sees a lot of poverty.

Here are the donations they are looking for:

1. Children's shoes. All sizes are needed, but mostly for school aged children. The kids are not allowed to go to school unless they have shoes.

2. Practical baby clothes. Onesies/rompers and items that can get a lot of wear and tear are great. Haiti is very hot so no sweaters and fleece.

3. Baby blankets

4. Clothing for older children, especially t-shirts and shorts. All sizes needed.

5. School supplies.

--Crayons, pencils, colored pencils, kid scissors, notebooks, pencil pouches and coloring books. Supplies like crayons and pencils should be in bags or pouches.

--Backpacks. Smaller kid sized ones are best.

--Some books are ok if they have lots of pictures and very simple English. We don't need too many books.

6. Simple craft items (no instructions necessary!). Beads and string are best.

7. Cash

8. Adoptive parents

I know that international adoptions have even more hoops to jump through than domestic ones. I don't know if we'll ever go the international route ourselves. But I admire what the people behind these agencies do, and just wanted to share them with others.

David at 4 Weeks

Tomorrow David turns 4 weeks old. In his doctor's visit today he got another thumbs up in terms of his growth and his health. He's put on a double chin, thanks to all the show-off, super-size feedings for Grandma/TuTu/Alice. (In truth, he's eating within a very normal range -- it just was a very sudden increase, coinciding with or spurred on by my mom's visit.) My mom spent so much time smiling at him, that he actually smiled back -- she felt it wasn't a gas smile, but one where he looked in her eyes. He did it to me, too. But he hasn't repeated it since she left; he must miss her. She left for Oregon Friday night, and will leave on Sunday for a 2-week visit to the Ukraine with the Corvallis Sister City Association and the TOUCH project (a sponsorship program for Ukrainian orphans, latch-key kids, and disabled children).




We have loved living across the street from Dick and Mimi Peery in a beautiful home filled with lots of sunlight. Mimi has been such a guardian angel -- stopping by to visit David, bringing us fresh strawberries, throwing a shower. We'll be sad to leave the proximity to her! On Friday we shift to a new house-sit, one that will last us for 6 months. We're looking forward to that stability, though it will lengthen both of our commutes. David will be introduced to two cats -- hopefully all will get along!


Taylor has had some stress at work of late -- August was especially crazy with a boss who needed a surprise stomach surgery (and thus was out 3 weeks), approaching deadlines, and the end of the BYU term, travel to Oregon, hiking a volcano, and travel back down to California. Add to that two house-sits (meaning two moves) and the beginning of the school year for me. And -- oh yeah -- we had a baby! But one of the people from the company he works for pulled him aside today, apologized for all the deadline/recuperating-boss stress, and praised him for the great work he does. That made us happy to hear.

I'm enjoying getting to know my students better. I'm mostly assigned Communications classes this year. These are fun, but I do miss the discussions of literature that you have, especially when teaching advanced level literature classes. Still, my one (general level) lit class is full of really bright students, eager to share ideas. One boy hits himself repeatedly in the head in order to be allowed to go for a walk -- but even he has a very good mind!

As Taylor & I went for a walk tonight, I said, "Life doesn't get much better than this: A warm evening stroll, my hand being held by my husband, and our son in front of us in a stroller." Life is good.

A beautiful view, when he falls asleep in your arms.
(The weird lines on the right side are shadows from strands of my hair.)

Mom is Here!

My mother really wants her grandchildren to call her TuTu, which is Hawaiian for "Grandma." I just can't bear to call her that, yet. I'll likely give in before too long, though, especially if David hears his cousins call her that.

She arrived yesterday, and has done so much for David. He loves the baths she gives him, and has begun some crazy growth spurt (jumping from feedings of 2-3 ounces a sitting to 4-6 ounces at a time!) to show off for her. With her here I am able to work this week without needing a sitter. And it's wonderful to see how she interacts with him.

Naptime for Grandma Alice (TuTu??) & David

Before we adopted David, I saw my mother holding Sara's son, Jasper, during Church, staring into his eyes. It made me sad for a moment (pity party), because I assumed that that deep gaze was a function of looking for one's child, and thus one's self, in a grandchild. But I have realized that I too stare deeply into David's face, and it is not to find myself. It's to find him -- and perhaps to find that core piece of humanity, and of divinity, in his face. Plus baby's faces are ever-moving, and thus captivating. So I see my mom look into David's face with that same rapture with which I saw her look at Jasper, and my heart is glad.

On the Night of David's Birth

I just wanted to share a poem by a distant relation of mine, Margaret Rampton Munk. She was infertile, adopting three children. She died at age 45 of cancer (read more about her at this link), but left behind some amazing poetry that is honest and poignant.

One of her poems is entitled "On the Night of Andrew's Birth". I should have thought to share it here when David was being born, three weeks ago:


Strange vigil, this--

My joy subdued to her pain,
As he,
Traversing unremembered roads of light,
Slips softly
From infinity
Into mortality;
Through her body
To my arms.

Tonight is not for sleep:
It is a night
For fervent thoughts
Projected up and outward
For her,
For him,
For me--

As unto her
Our son is born.


We were not there for David's delivery, and I have realized that to an extent I held my heart back for the few days from birth to "transfer", until I knew he would come to us. Still, we definitely felt those "fervent thoughts" and prayers as he was born to his birth mother, and then a few days later as she gave him over to us.

It's so nice now to be able to open my heart wide to him! We love him so much already.

David's Second Week

Who me?

Here are just a few photos from David's second week. He had a shower thrown by my English Department. The most touching part of that was that each member of the department gave him a different "gift" or characteristic, such as "Hopefulness", "Curiosity", "Passion", "Compassion" and so forth. Stacy Bissell says a book I once gave a coworker, The Twelve Gifts of Birth, inspired this. With each "gift", a small token representative of that gift was placed in a box. It meant a lot to hear all of these wonderful attributes wished upon him by my friends and coworkers.



He also had his circumcision. I wanted to be there, to know what he was experiencing and to try to comfort him. It was horrid -- I even want to say barbaric! Halfway through I wanted them to stop -- but I don't think you want a 1/2 done circumcision. After about 10 minutes I had to sit down -- my attempts to comfort him were no longer helping at all, and that just shot me through the heart. I have a lot of respect for Sara and Rob opting out of this procedure for Jasper. David was fine by the next day, but my nerves were shot for the evening. Taylor's brother Ryan and sister-in-law Anna, and their son Ollie, were in town and our plan had been to walk around the Stanford campus together. I had to tell them to go without me, and just needed to hold David till he conked out, then have time alone to get my wits back about me.

I survived

A Compliment

Someone gave me the nicest compliment today. She asked where I was from, and I said Oregon. She told me I looked like an Oregonian, so I asked what that meant. She said, "You're comfortable in your own skin." That's what the natural beauty of Oregon does to people, I guess!

David at Two Weeks

I should be using his nap time to grade, but I wanted to post a few more photos.

Even if it's a poop smile, it still warms the heart!

My two Davids.

Rodin might not have felt the feet were as expressive as the hands, but there's something beautiful about a tiny baby foot.

One Week with David

We've had our first full week with David. What a blessing he is! He's still not quite sorted out night and day; Taylor was up quite a bit with him last night (the two good things about those mid-night wakings is the bonding time between the two boys, and the fact that Taylor can listen to Harry Potter books on tape!). I took this past week off and enjoyed all the time with him; it's especially fun to have more time when he is wide-eyed and alert. Walks in lovely Old Palo Alto (where we are currently house-sitting) are fun for me, and send him to sleep.



I actually went in to teach yesterday. James Fowler, my sister Anna's husband, is here for the weekend; he's checking out Stanford and Berkeley business schools and will be at a conference for work in San Francisco Monday through Wednesday. He stayed with David Friday morning so that I could touch base with my students. It is hard to be away so early in the year; I have students who joined my class since I've been out that I don't even know! Habits I want the kids to form are harder without me there, and certain ways of reading a text are hard to ask someone else to teach. My sub is a good one, though! I'm so lucky to have her.


I know I keep saying this, but I'm so lucky to have Taylor. He's been more than a full partner in this. I think he's taken 3/4s of the night shifts. I read some place that fathers often display "engrossment" in their children. I see Taylor staring into David's face with an "engrossment" that warms my heart.



We feel so blessed by David. Babies are good for people in general -- it's interesting to see how friendly strangers are when you have a baby on you. It makes the whole world seem like a warmer, kindlier, place.

We went for a walk on the Stanford campus today.
At the Rodin sculpture garden I mentioned that Rodin believed that
the hands were the most expressive part of the body.
Here are little David's hands!

On a Soapbox: Airline Movies & Kids

So now that I'm a mom I have new emotions about these types of things, right? I know you'd probably rather see photos of David; I'll work on getting more up today or tomorrow. (The short is, he is great, still mostly just sleeping, but with a bit more alert time, which is fun...except when it comes at 4 am! :)

I just read a New York Times article which made me very grumpy with the airlines these days. Airlines are increasingly showing R rated and other violent films to their passengers. Never mind that it's pretty difficult to keep your kids from seeing what's on the screen! The article writes:

"Researchers who study child psychology said graphic images could stay with small children well into adulthood. [Umm, yes. The opening of Pete's Dragon, where the Gogans are hunting for Pete in the swamp, scared me for years, for Pete's sake!!]

"'Children can have nightmares from seeing literally a few seconds of a scene from a horrible movie,' said Joanne Cantor, who taught communications at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. 'Young children don’t have the cognitive ability to put the visual aside and say, "That’s just a movie."'"

(Wow. I should show my students that quote-within-a-quote-within-a-quote!)

This site has a link to the article, as well as a petition you can sign. I encourage you to read it, and sign the petition if it is important to you, too.

Bringing David Home

Last night we were able to bring David home. It is wonderful to have him here! After several days of emotional ups-and-downs, as well as the months and years of hoping to have a child, it's a blessing and a relief to have him with us.

The "transfer" occurred last night. The birth parents are good people, and, though they know it's not yet their in life to be parents quite yet, will be good ones when it is. They took him to the doctor yesterday morning, and he got a clean bill of health (well, a little jaundice we have to watch). They also took him to a baby photo place, and took some cute photos of him. Then they met the LDS-FS representative at their apartment, to sign the relinquishment papers. We thought we'd get a phone call telling us to start the drive down; turns out we were supposed to be there at 5:30. So I fretted the whole drive down, but it was probably nice for the birth parents to have an extra hour with David.

Arriving at their apartment, we found the birth father cradling David between his arms and looking down at his face. It was a gentle and tender image. We spent about 45 minutes in their apartment. Finally the birth mother handed him over to me, a big symbolic gesture (though he then was passed to several other arms, and back to her, as we thought to take a few photos with him and everyone). When it came time to go, we went down ahead of them to set up the car seat. The birth parents spent another 5-10 minutes with David, saying their final goodbyes. They both had been crying, when they came down. Our hearts went out to them! David was placed in his carseat, and then no one could bear to shut the door. It was another symbol of severance. The birth mom said she knows she's doing the best thing for him, and knows we will love him. I hugged her repeatedly. We finally did shut that door, got in, and drove away, waving at them. The birth father was comforting the mother as we drove off.

Ouch! I want to have more than one child one day, but I don't want to ever repeat this experience again! Life doesn't often hand you such contrasting emotions all balled up in one. It's not normal on the system! It's so hard to have our joy, new beginning, and gift be their pain, end, and loss. They are courageous and noble for following through on this course that will bless our lives, David's, and in the end their own.

As we got onto the freeway, Taylor turned to me and said, "We have a child in the back of our car. We are parents!" It was a thrilling -- scary and exciting -- feeling! Brad and AM were the first to talk to us with our new position -- they called about 2 minutes later.

And the night continued to be one of telephone calls and visits. My mom sent an email out to the family, so Meta called (1 am her time) saying she could finally go to sleep. Dick and Mimi Peery dropped by, as did Paula Kokanovich, bringing us dinner as well a swing (which David has loved today! he's asleep in it now), a snap-n-go stroller frame, extra car seat (the same as the one we have!), and some clothes. Wow!! She has just given us so much! Also, the LDS-FS representative made an inspection of the home and had us sign more papers.

David has hardly cried (though he yells when I change his diaper). He did fuss a bit at night, however, and light-sleeping Taylor was up much of the night with him. I didn't hear a thing. I am worried about how he'll survive if this continues! I know him -- Taylor won't wake me up to help in the night. We will have to figure out a way for Taylor to get enough sleep, and for me to help with the mid-night feedings. Taylor did get a few more hours of sleep once I woke at 7:30 and took over. I feel so tenderly about Taylor when I see him caring for David. My two sweethearts.



It's been a peaceful first day with David. We haven't gotten too much done, but I have the feeling that is the primary state of being as you deal with a newborn!

Thank you for your prayers and love. We know the prayers helped ease our minds yesterday, and helped comfort the birth mom as she had what must have been the hardest day of her life.