Smile Pinki & Starfish House

My sister Anna has two sons who were born with cleft lips and palettes. I really admire all that she has done to educate herself and to support other cleft-affected families. She has created a blog for families of cleft-affected children.

She was really excited when Smile Pinki won the Oscar for short documentary. Watch it here!

She has also shared amazing stories from her friend Amanda in China, who, to quote Anna, "has devoted her life to taking care of abandoned babies in China with special needs. She has a foster home (her very own apartment as well as a neighboring apartment) and currently has 30 babies living with her (can you imagine!), all with special needs ranging from cleft lip palates to spina bifida and heart problems." Amanda has a blog, too, where you can read more.

Furnishing a Home

We spent nearly 8 hours today driving to, from, and choosing furniture for our home. I'd heard great things about Ashleys Furniture, and hadn't found any winners yet in the Provo area. So two weekends ago we drove up here, and spent a chunk of time then at the store. Today we returned and spent a chunk of CHANGE this time!

I'm so excited for things to arrive (on 2-27). Here is just one sneak preview. This was the one real "splurge" -- an accent chair I think will be super lovely in our sitting room. Taylor thinks it's too expensive and not that comfortable. I do think it is comfy, and we need something smallish to go in the corner available. But more than that think it's beautiful and that its colors go with the Minerva Teichert "Christ in a Red Robe" painting that will highlight that room. That is my favorite piece of art and I'm so excited to have something to complement it.






What color should we paint this room? I'm thinking of something that draws on the gold/tan background to the painting. What do you think?

Valentines Fun

Bobby called us up yesterday morning and asked whether we'd like a babysitter for Valentines. Would we ever!

So Taylor took me to the Art City Trolley Restaurant in Springville. Shalann Kunkel had spoken of it -- she went years ago. Food was great. They're renown for their salads and I had a half-size one which was gigantic. And good!

Then we went to a dance put on by our friends Marta and Sam Smith. Marta is her ward's Activities Chair. I know about that! It had a live band and a fox trot lesson to start off the evening. It was so fun to dance with Taylor again! We took swing lessons a few years back, and he remembers so much! I love dancing with him!

Thanks so much, Bobby!

Snow!

We tried to drive up to Aspen Grove this morning. Taylor had reserved cross-country skis for us and we thought (naively) that we could tote David along on our backs. We were to ski from 9 am to 12 noon.

Well, then we went to bed way too late, and I was sick so Taylor let me sleep in. We finally got out the door about 10:30 am!




When we finally got to where we should exit for Aspen Grove, we were turned back by a sign saying we needed 4-wheel drive or snow chains. We had neither. Instead we stopped at the Provo Canyon Park. David lasted a whole 5 minutes (that was after 10 minutes getting fully suited up!). So I guess skiing would have been a failure.




At least we tried!

That afternoon, we saw a family of deer in the back yard. It's fun now, but I'll hate them come spring if anything is actually growing in the yard!

Uncl' Bobby!

David loves his Uncle Bobs. We had Bobby and his roommate Jon over for dinner. Here are pictures of handsome and the cheese.

On My Mind: Articles on the Marriage Relationship

The New York Times carried some interesting articles over the past few weeks which have made me think a bit.

One, entitled "Till Children Do Us Part", points out that "[m]ore than 25 separate studies have established that marital quality drops, often quite steeply, after the transition to parenthood. And forget the 'empty nest' syndrome: when the children leave home, couples report an increase in marital happiness."

David brings us a ton of happiness. But he does also bring more decisions, less time alone, and occasionally differences of opinion on how to best raise him. The article continues with these insights:

The Cowans found that the average drop in marital satisfaction was almost entirely accounted for by the couples who slid into being parents, disagreed over it or were ambivalent about it. Couples who planned or equally welcomed the conception were likely to maintain or even increase their marital satisfaction after the child was born.

Marital quality also tends to decline when parents backslide into more traditional gender roles. Once a child arrives, lack of paid parental leave often leads the wife to quit her job and the husband to work more. This produces discontent on both sides. The wife resents her husband’s lack of involvement in child care and housework. The husband resents his wife’s ingratitude for the long hours he works to support the family.

We definitely did not "slide" into being parents! I guess that's another silver lining that comes from infertility: when you adopt, you are being ultra aware of the step you are making.

The second paragraph, about traditional gender roles, ties in to the next article ("Are All Moms Mad at Dad?") that was interesting to me. Someone on the PAMP list posted it. It's made me think -- not because it makes me huffy about dads' parts in child-raising. Rather, because it reports a lot of unexpressed anger out there. Couples need to discuss these things rather than let the anger fester.

Here is a summary of the article (which is based on a post form parenting.com):

Based on a what author Martha Brockenbrough describes as a survey of 1,000 “nationally representative” mothers from MomConnection, an online opinion panel, the article is a disturbing portrait of motherhood.

“We love our husbands,” she writes, “but we’re mad that we spend more mental energy on the details of parenting. We’re mad that having children has turned our lives upside down much more than theirs. We’re mad that these guys, who can manage businesses or keep track of thousands of pieces of sports trivia, can be clueless when it comes to what our kids are eating and what supplies they need for school. And more than anything else, we’re mad that they get more time to themselves than we do.”

She continues: “We carry so much of this life-altering responsibility in our heads: the doctors’ appointments, the shoe sizes, the details about the kids’ friends. Many dads wouldn’t even think to buy valentines for the class, for example, or know when it’s time to sign kids up for the pre–camp physical, or that curriculum night is next Thursday at 7:30 and you need to hire a sitter and bring a nut-free vegetarian appetizer that can be eaten without a fork. Even moms who work full-time take it upon themselves to store all this data in our already overstuffed heads. We’re the walking, talking encyclopedias of family life, while dads tend to be more like brochures.”

I feel super lucky that Taylor is such an equal partner in parenting. If anything, he carries more of the load. I can't seem to even think about dinner until he walks in the door, so he usually makes it. He does all the night and early morning duty with David, and this morning I awoke to find that he had put together a PowerPoint of the ABCs, with his voice saying them and David's voice chiming in, for David to watch in the morning. Right now he's scanning all the children's books we have in order to record himself reading them. He thinks that morning breakfast -- which he handles with David -- will be more interesting if David can have even more books read to him!! I don't like to make decisions about David unless I've first consulted Taylor. Perhaps if I decide to stay at home full time I'll become more of the "encyclopedia of family life." But at least for now, he is pulling more than his fair share.

Makin' books!

One stat quoted pointed out that the moms feeling the most frustration were those with kids under 1 years old. Here again adoption is a blessing: since David was formula-fed, and Taylor sleeps lightly while I sleep like the dead, he just felt it wasn't even worth it to wake me to care for David in the night. So he did it all -- I've covered maybe 4 nights total, ones when he was out of town.

But it makes sense that moms who are sleep-deprived, sometimes still dealing with post-partum hormone changes, shouldering the heavier portion of caring for a newborn -- that they would feel overwhelmed. I hope more couples will recognize these things and address any anger that arises, instead of letting it corrode their relationship.

Bipolar Blogger

You can totally tell when I have extra time on my hands. Well I sure felt busy during the two weeks that Taylor and David were in Utah without me. Maybe it's when I don't have my best friend (Taylor) to talk to at any hour of the day. I guess not having a hubby and toddler with me, I needed a way to vent. I blogged nearly every day. Now for the 3 weeks that we've been in Utah together I've not written anything. I'm backdating some blogs tonight.